Tandem Nursing: One at a Time

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Welcome to the Carnival of Tandem Nursing

This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Tandem Nursing hosted by Mommying My Way. Our participants have shared their personal stories of the highs the lows and information on what to expect if tandeming is in your future. Please read to the end of each post to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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Would you, could you in a tram?

Dave, Ronen’s Dad

Pre-kids, I had a picture of tandem nursing in my head. Lovingly nursing an older child and baby. They would face each other, hold hands. The vision was beautiful.

I have four children who are all 2-3 years apart. I’ve tandem nursed…more than once. And not once have I had that lovely scene that used to be in my head. While some mothers complain of having a nursing adversion during pregnancy, I’ve never had that. Certainly there were times when my nipples were more sensitive. Those times seemed to wax and wan.

About a month after each birth, however, the nursing adversion toward the older child would begin. Some would say that it was nature’s way of telling me it was time to wean the older child. That didn’t set well with me for our family. It wasn’t just my desire to practice child-led weaning with our children that kept us going. The choice to have another child was mine, not my older child’s.

So, instead, I would look to ways to meet everyone’s needs. Through trial and error, we found what worked for us. I quickly realized that nursing two children at once was more than I could handle. So, I always nursed my children one at a time, sometimes in succession, if we needed to. Taking care of a newborn can be intensive. They depend on us completely to meet their needs. When we also have older children, it’s easy to forget about our own needs.

I found that focusing on some of my needs was a much welcomed distraction when nursing my older children. We still snuggled and connected while nursing, but I could also read my own book during that time and relax a bit. It was a reminder to me that I needed to take some time for myself and that I could do that while taking care of my children. Nursing looks different for every nursing couple (mother and child), and tandem nursing involves more than one nursing couple. Limiting nursing to one child at a time worked for us.

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  • My Tandem Nursing Journey: Jenny at I’m a full-time mummy is sharing her tandem nursing journey so far…
  • Built for Two: No matter how much you read and plan, things may not always go as you expect. A few things that Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy wished she knew when she was planning to tandem feed her toddler and newborn.
  • Tandem Nursing – Magic Cure?: Jorje of Momma Jorje had high expectations of tandem nursing easing her toddler daughter’s transition from being the baby to being a big sister.
  • Mutually Desirable – Navigating a Tandem Nursing Experience: Amy Willa at www.amywilla.com talks about limit setting and meditations that help her navigate an intense tandem nursing experience.
  • My Adventure in Tandem Nursing: Alicia at Lactation Narration tells her story of nursing her daughter through pregnancy and then tandem nursing.
  • 4 months in: the good/hard: Becca at Exile Fertility writes about the joys and struggles of having two nurslings 17 months apart.
  • Tandem Nursing: One at a Time: When tandem nursing resulted in a nursing aversion, Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children looked for ways to meet everyone’s needs.
  • Why Nurse a 4 Year Old?: One of the questions Dionna at Code Name: Mama keeps getting is, “but why breastfeed a four year old? What are the benefits?” Today she answers that question.
  • My Hurt Feelings: Shannon at The Artful Mama shares how her first son reacted to nursing after the birth of his brother and the gift she received the last time he nursed.
  • Carnival of Tandem Nursing: A Letter To Myself 7 Years Ago: Dulce de leche shares the advice and reassurance that she would have given to herself if she could go back in time.
  • Nursing Both My Babies: Cassie at There’s a Pickle in my Lifeshares her experience with nursing and transitioning into tandem nursing. She also gives tips for struggles.
  • Our Tandem Nursing Journey: Kim at Life-is-Learning describes her journey into tandem nursing and why it is important to her.
  • Based on her own experience, Lauren at Hobo Mama dishes about the benefits and downsides to nursing multiple children.

Attachment Parenting: the Renewed Face of Feminism

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I Am Mom! Enough! Carnival buttonWelcome to the I Am Mom! Enough! Carnival hosted by Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama and Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children.

This Carnival is dedicated to empowering ALL parents who practice and promote and peaceful, loving, attachment parenting philosophy. We have asked other parents to help us show the critics and the naysayers that attachment parenting is beautiful, uplifting, and unbelievably beneficial and NORMAL!

In addition to the Carnival, Joni from Tales of a Kitchen Witch and Jennifer from True Confessions of a Real Mommy are co-hosting a Linky Party. Please stop by either blog to share any of your posts on the topic.

Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants. Post topics are wide and varied, and every one is worth a read.

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Photo by Luschka at Diary of a First Child

Attachment Parenting. It’s a return to parenting in a biological way, using our instinct and knowledge to create secure attachments with our children in ways which are beneficial to everyone in the parent/child relationship. After all, our biological purpose in life is to make certain that our genes are carried on into the next generation. However, recent cries from mainstream media and opponents of attachment parenting would have one believe that attachment parenting merely shackles women, keeping them barefoot and pregnant, with a baby attached to their breast, with no prospects or hope of doing anything with their lives. (For the record, I prefer to be barefoot, have enjoyed pregnancy and birth, and currently have a two year latched on to my breast as I type this. I do not feel hopeless nor without prospects as a person, a professional, or a mother.)

In order to truly speak out against something, it’s first important to actually understand the concepts. Let’s examine the tennants of attachment parenting:

  • Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth, and Parenting Attachment parenting challenges us to learn about pregnancy, birth, and parenting in order to make informed decisions. Rather than just go along with one person’s idealogy due to their expert status of being an obstetrician, grandparent, friend, book author, or pediatrician, attachment parenting asks individuals and couples to look at the evidence and make a decision that is right for their family. Attachment Parenting is about informed choice!
  • Feed with Love and Respect One would wonder why feeding with love and respect would be such a controversial topic, but this is the aspect of attachment parenting that receives both the most attention and controversy. Many attachment parents choose breastfeeding, based on information which supports that breastfeeding (and not just breastmilk) provides benefits for both mother and child which are not attainable via other means. Not all attachment parents, for varied reasons, breastfeed. Not all attachment parents practice child-led weaning. Attachment parenting challenges parents to make informed decisions and follow through with those decisions in a respectful manner. Attachment Parenting is about informed choice and respect!
  • Respond with Sensitivity It doesn’t matter what age a person is. To quote Dr. Seuss, “A person’s a person, no matter how small.” Attachment parents recognize that all people are deserving of love and respect and should be treated accordingly. Just as we would have someone be sensitive to our own situations, so, too, should we be sensitive of our children and where they are at in their journey. We are not merely individuals living our lives: we are individuals, all experiencing our own needs and journeys, living in a community, supporting each other as need be and helping each other to strive to fulfill our own choices. Attachment Parenting is about informed choice, respect, and recognizing each individual as a person!
  • Use Nurturing Touch Attachment parenting recognizes the value of nurturing touch. Techniques utilized in attachment parenting may include, but are not limited to, babywearing, hugging, holding, massage, and keeping your infant or child nearby. Cultures with high rates of physical affection exhibit a greater connection between individuals and lower rates of physical violence in adults. Attachment Parenting is about informed choice, respect, recognizing each individual as a person, and nurturing connections in the community which result in respectful treatment of fellow humans!
  • Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally Many attachment parents co-sleep, or even bed-share, with their children. A manifestation of biological development and needs, co-sleeping in some form or another is practiced in over 80 percent of the world’s population. If we add in the large number of adults co-sleeping, that percentage increases even more. A co-sleeping environment, and the flexibility in how families achieve this, allows family units to meet the needs of all individuals while ensuring physical and emotional safety. Attachment Parenting is about informed choice, respect, recognizing each individual as a person, and nurturing connections in the community which result in respectful treatment of fellow humans while meeting the physical and emotional needs of individuals, including those of safety.
  • Provide Consistent and Loving Care Healthy attachment to those around one results in security and emotional well-being. Parents and other caregivers who practice attachment parenting strive to provide a secure environment which fosters a healthy attachment and future independence. It allows for individuals to become independent while living in a society built upon dependence on one another for shared resources. Attachment Parenting is about informed choice, respect, recognizing each individual as a person, fostering individuality in a society based on communal resources, and nurturing connections in the community which result in respectful treatment of fellow humans while meeting the physical and emotional needs of individuals, including those of safety.
  • Practice Positive Discipline In my opinion, this is the most important aspect of attachment parenting. Treating people as people, while working together to meet everyone’s needs in a respectful manner promotes individuality, community, and the equal treatment of all people. We cannot fight for the rights of one subset of people while opressing another subset. That does not result in equality.  Fear, violence, and control are limiting, not empowering. Attachment Parenting is about empowering all people through informed choice, respect, recognizing each individual as a person, fostering individuality in a society based on communal resources, promoting equality for all, and nurturing connections in the community which result in respectful treatment of fellow humans while meeting the physical and emotional needs of individuals, including those of safety.
  • Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life Attachment parenting often comes under attack when it comes to balance. Opponents claim that attachment parenting expects mothers to give up everything to focus on their children. This simply is not true. When everyone’s needs are met, including those of parents, we notice that we have truly achieved balance and that we are fulfilled as individuals. Attachment Parenting is about empowering all people through informed choice, respect, recognizing each individual as a person, fostering individuality in a society based on communal resources, promoting equality for all, nurturing connections in the community which result in respectful treatment of fellow humans while meeting the physical and emotional needs of individuals, including those of safety, in order to achieve a balanced, fulfilled life.

Attachment parenting isn’t new. It isn’t anti-feminist. Attachment parenting is simply the renewed face of feminism, challenging us to embrace the ideals of feminism and equality and to apply them to all aspects and all the individuals of our lives. It doesn’t ask us to choose between staying home with our children or working. It doesn’t ask us to divide ourselves from our motherhood or womanhood. It asks us to look at individuals as equal people, deserving of the same respect and treatment, meeting everyone in their own place whether that is a journey in attachment parenting or one of age. It allows us to embrace ourselves in ways that meet everyone’s needs. It calls us to the very idealogy of feminism.

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Thank you for visiting the I Am Mom! Enough! Carnival hosted by hosted by Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama and Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children.

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants and check out previous posts at the linky party hosted by Joni from Tales of a Kitchen Witch and Jennifer from True Confessions of a Real Mommy:

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon May 28 with all the carnival links.)

  • Good Enough? — Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy writes about how Good Enough is not Good Enough, if you use it as an excuse to stop trying.
  • The High Cost of High Expectations JeninCanada at Fat and Not Afraid shares what it’s like to NOT feel ‘mom enough’ and wanting to always do better for herself and family.
  • TIME to Be You! — Becky at Old New Legacy encourages everyone to be true to themselves and live their core values.
  • I am mom and I have had ENOUGH — A mother had had ENOUGH of the mommy wars.
  • Motherhood vs. Feminism — Doula Julia at juliamannes.com encourages feminists to embrace the real needs and cycles and strengths of women.
  • There Is No Universal Truth When It Comes To Parenting — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama discusses how parenting looks around the world and why there is no universal parenting philosophy.
  • Attachment Parenting Assumptions — ANonyMous at Radical Ramblings argues that attachment parenting is not just for the affluent middle-classes, and that as parents we all need to stop worrying about our differences and start supporting each other.
  • Thoughts on Time Magazine, Supporting ALL Mamas, and Advocating for the Motherless — Time Magazine led That Mama Gretchen to think about her calling as a mother and how adoption will play an important role in growing her family.
  • Attachment Parenting: the Renewed Face of Feminism — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children embraces her inner feminist as she examines how the principles of attachment parenting support the equal treatment of all.
  • What a Mom Wants! — Clancy Harrison from Healthy Baby Beans writes about how women need to support each other in their different paths to get to the same destination.
  • Attachment Parenting: What One Family Wants You To Know — Jennifer, Kris, 4 year old Owen and 2 year old Sydney share the realities of attachment parenting, and how very different it looks than the media’s portrayal.
  • We ALL Are Mom Enough — Amy W. of Amy Willa: Me, Mothering, and Making It All Work thinks that all mothers should walk together through parenthood and explores her feelings in prose.
  • A Typical Day Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment shares what a typical day with her attached family looks like…all in the hopes to shed light on what Attachment Parenting is, what it’s not and that it’s unique within each family!
  • The Proof is in the (organic, all-natural) Pudding — Kym at Our Crazy Corner of the World talks about how, contrary to what the critics say, the proof that attachment parenting works in visible in the children who are parented that way.
  • I am mom and I have had ENOUGH A mother had had ENOUGH of the mommy wars.
  • Time Magazine & Mommy Wars: Enough! What Really Matters? — Abbie at Farmer’s Daughter encourages moms to stop fighting with each other, and start alongside each other.
  • Attachment parenting is about respect — Lauren at Hobo Mama breaks down what attachment parenting means to her to its simplest level.
  • I am an AP mom, regardless… — Jorje ponders how she has been an Attachment Parenting mom regardless of outside circumstances at Momma Jorje.
  • The first rule of Attachment Parenting is: You Do Not Talk about Attachment Parenting — Emily discusses, with tongue aqnd cheek, how tapping into our more primal selves actually brings us closer to who we are rather than who we think we should be.
  • Mom, I am. — Amy at Anktangle discusses how Attachment Parenting is a natural extension of who she is, and she explains the ways her parenting approach follows the “live and let live” philosophy, similar to her beliefs about many other areas of life.
  •  I Breastfeed My Toddler for the Nutritional Benefits — Christine at African Babies Don’t Cry shares why ‘extended’ breastfeeding is not extreme and how she is still nursing her toddler for the nutritional benefits.
  • I Am Dad Enough! — Attachment parenting does not only have to be about moms; their partners are just as important. In Code Name: Mama’s family, Dionna’s husband, Tom, is papa enough for lots of things.

I Could Never…

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Welcome to May edition of the Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival, hosted by Authentic Parenting and Mudpiemama. This month’s topic is “Parenting Practices and Criticism”. Please scroll down to the end of this post to find a list of links to the entries of the other participants. Enjoy!

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Photo by Time Magazine

When faced with another’s parenting style, I’ve heard many individuals say the phrase “I could never…” “I could never homeschool.” “I could never nurse a preschooler.” “I could never stay at home.” “I could never work away from my kids.”

“I could never” doesn’t really mean “I could never.” It’s really a code phrase for “I would never want to…” It’s treated as a way to soften the lines between parents. Parenting differences are okay because one of the parents is capable of doing something and the other isn’t. In reality, it’s a passive aggressive way of sharing judgement or disbelief. It passes off the ownership of one’s actions and serves to further divide parents by comparing the two.

When we are secure in our own parenting, we have no need to compare ourselves with others. We recognize that the decisions and actions of others belong to them and not to us. By separating ourselves from others, we can give ourselves permission to parent the way we believe is right for our family. By being honest in our words, we give ourselves permission to be authentic. When we communicate with each other from a place of confidence  and ownership, we open ourselves to understanding and empathy.

It’s something to think about the next time we feel like saying “I could never.” Change those words to what you really mean. “I would never want to….., but I’m glad it is working for you.” or “I would never want to….., because I believe…..” Through open communication, we open ourselves to supporting alternative choices, to sharing information, and to owning our words, actions, and thoughts.

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Visit The Positive Parenting Connection and Authentic Parenting to find out how you can participate in the next Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

  • Stepping out of the box and dealing with criticism   — Stoneageparent shares how she deals with criticism over her parenting choices 
  • BEWARE of Sanctimommy — Amanda at Blinded by the Light talks about how recognizing your own inner-sanctimommy and how it will facilitate ways to deal with other criticism in your life.
  • We’re on the same team — Brittany from The Pistachio Project shares about how we should support and respect each other because we already get enough criticism from the outside world.
  • 30 Responses To Parenting Criticisms — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares 30 ways in which you can respond to parenting criticisms. 
  • A Case for the Dramatic — A smart-alec response to a stranger’s view by Jennifer from True Confessions of a Real Mommy.
  • I Could Never… — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children discusses how the phrase “I could never” really means “I would never want to” and how owning our words and actions can lead to understanding and empathy.
  • Admiration For A Parent’s Strength— Jennifer at Our Muddy Boots shares her admiration for parents who continue  to make parenting choices in the best interest of their child even when those closest to them disagree.
  • Assumption Free Zone — Paige @ Baby Dust Diaries challenges us to cultivate kindness for everyone; even if you disagree with them.
  • Perfection, Criticism, Parenting and The Sock Police — Ariadne @ The Positive Parenting Connection is sharing how parenting has been an excercise in overcoming perfectionism and handling criticism.
  • Silencing the Voices In My Head — At Authentic Parenting, Laura writes about fighting her inner critic. 
  • Tackled from the Sidelines — Marisa from Deliberate Parenting reveals what parenting choices she makes that are most often questioned and how she is coming peacefully to the defense of her decisions.
  • Different Strokes — Justine from The Lone Home Ranger shares the method she uses to explain her family’s “crunchy” differences to her preschooler.


Child-Led Weaning: It’s not Extreme; It’s Biological

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Welcome to the Carnival of Weaning: Weaning – Your Stories

This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Weaning hosted by Code Name: Mama and Aha! Parenting. Our participants have shared stories, tips, and struggles about the end of the breastfeeding relationship.

Child-led weaning is not an extreme sport, contrary to certain media outlets.  To quote Dionna, of Code Name: Mama, “It’s normal. It’s natural.” To go a little farther, I say, “It’s biological.” As mammals, we are meant to breastfeed. Breastfeeding is the primary purpose of breasts. As we have developed as a species, child-led weaning has evolved to profer many benefits. These benefits are not diminished in regard to the wealth and accessibility of our local environment. These benefits are not socially based but are biologically based.

my little one

Photo by Desiree Fawn

  • A child’s imune system is not fully developed until around age 6 years. Breastmilk continues to augment a child’s immune system with antibodies from the mother for as long as breastmilk is produced. Studies show that as children naturally decrease their amount of nursing, those antibodies increase in number per breastmilk volume, aiding in the development of thechild’s own immune system.
  • Breastfeeding reduces risks for certain diseases. Studies show that longer durations of breastfeeding correlate with greater reductions in these diseases throughout the child’s life.
  • The physical act of breastfeeding aids in proper jaw development. Our jaws are still being shaped as we lose primary teeth, also known as milk teeth in other species.
  • The act of breastfeeding releases the hormone oxytocin into the mother’s bloodstream, resulting in a calmer mother.
  • Breastfeeding reduces the mother’s risk for certain diseases, including a 10% reduction of breast cancer for each year she breastfeeds.
  • Ecological breastfeeding results in lactational amenorrhea for most women, naturally spacing children.
  • When comparing humans with the weaning ages of other mammals based on factors such as the age of the first permanent molars, size and gestational age, multiplying original birthweight, and reaching a percentage of adult weight, we see a range which corresponds mainly to human ages 3-5 for average weaning with outlying ages of 2-7. This data correlates with the natural ages of weaning we see in humans who practice child-led weaning.

While child-led weaning may not be what people in some areas are used to, it is in no way extreme. As humans, we are biologically and genetically programmed to nurse our young.



Thank you for visiting the Carnival of Weaning hosted by Dionna at Code Name: Mama and Dr. Laura at Aha! Parenting.

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants (and many thanks to Joni Rae of Tales of a Kitchen Witch for designing our lovely button):

(This list will be live and updated by afternoon May 21 with all the carnival links.)

Winner – For My Children!

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Congratulations to Tatania, the winner of the For My Children give away! She has been contacted. In the event that she does not respond, a new winner will be chosen.

Thank you to everyone who entered. I loved reading about everyone’s memories with their mothers. My own memories with my mother are something I cherish greatly, just as I hold the new memories I am making with my own children close to my heart.

If you did not win a copy, you can buy your own copy of For My Children: A Mother’s Journals of Memories, Wishes, and Wisdom at Amazon, Ulyssess Press, or Banres and Noble.

Don’t forget to enter for your chance to win some great products from The Natural Newborn. There will be two winners.

I am Mom! Enough! – Call for Blog Carnival Submissions

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Mandy from Living Peacefully With Children and Jennifer from Hybrid Rasta Rama are pleased to announce the I Am Mom! Enough! Carnival.
The recent Time Magazine article on attachment parenting took the world by storm. Although Time surely did not set out to intentionally create a greater parenting divide, the article unfortunately did just that. Parenting wars have erupted all over the world. There has been mudslinging, complete and utter disrespect, name calling, belittling, and lots and lots of condemnation for parenting practices.
Parenting wars need to end. Hate and discrimination against breastfeeding mothers of children of all ages needs to end. Judging one family’s parenting approach when you have not walked in their shoes needs to end. Enough is enough!
Please join us in a Carnival dedicated to empowering ALL parents who practice and promote a peaceful, loving, attachment parenting philosophy. Help us show the critics and the naysayers that attachment parenting is beautiful, uplifting, and unbelievably beneficial and NORMAL! Help us fight back against the backlash from the Time article. Help us support the mothers who bared all as part of the photo shoot.
The I Am Mom! Enough! Carnival is wide open insofar as topics are concerned. We simply want to hear from you!
Here are some topic suggestions:
  • What is your personal reaction to the Time article? The photo?
  • What is your response to the public reaction to the article and photo?
  • What was your family/extended family’s reaction?
  • Do you practice or support extended breastfeeding?  Share your thoughts or some factual information about the benefits of extended breastfeeding.
  • Talk about attachment parenting (AP) – all of it or one aspect of it? What does AP look like in your family?
  • Share your thoughts on parenting in today’s world. Why is there such a great divide? How can we bridge this?
  • Suggest some ways to go about respectfully supporting other parents in their journey instead of getting into parenting wars over whose method is right.
  • Give us some statistics on AP. Help others see the benefits of this style of parenting.
  • Discuss how AP is really for everyone and not just SAHM’s, a certain ethnic group, a certain income level, etc…
  • Parenting is a personal decision and one family’s approach does not invalidate another family’s approach. Share your thoughts on this idea.
  • Take on AP from a feminist viewpoint! Many women think that this inflammatory magazine issue, purposely insighting mommy wars, being published right now isn’t coincidental at a time when women are losing legal rights. Your thoughts?
  • And of course – run with the Carnival title. I Am Mom! Enough!
  • Not much of a writer or not sure what to say?  Share your photos! Show us your child(ren) breastfeeding. And go ahead…get creative! Do you own Time photo shoot!
Remember, these are just our thoughts and idea to get your creative juices flowing.
Submissions Deadline: Thursday, May 24, 2012, 11:59 p.m. Pacific time.
Fill out the webform (at the bottom of this post) and email your submission to: 

hybridrastamama {at} hotmail {dot} com
AND
livingpeacefullywithchildren {at} gmail {dot} com
Carnival date: Monday, May 28, 2012.

Before you post, we will send you an email with a little blurb in html to paste into your submission that will introduce the carnival. You will publish your post on May 28th before 9am PST and email us the link if you haven’t done so already. Once everyone’s posts are published, we will send out a finalized list of all the participants’ links to generate lots of link love for your site. We’ll include full instructions in the email we send before the posting date.

A few housekeeping items:
  1. Please write a new, previously unpublished post for the carnival.
  2. We will email you with specific instructions on posting before carnival day.
  3. Please do not post your article until the carnival date.
  4. We reserve the right to accept submissions based on relevance to the topic and quality of writing. We will NOT accept posts that go against the tenants of attachment parenting.
  5. Please refrain from using profanity, poor spelling and grammar, and vicious personal attacks.
  6. We will NOT be editing your post so please proofread and run a spelling and grammar check.
In addition to the Carnival, Jen from Monkey Butt Junction will be hosting a linky party designed to support everyone who has already written a post(s) related to the Time article. The linky will go live on Monday, May 28th at 6:00amEST and will stay open until Friday, June 1, 2012. We encouraged you to not only link up your previously published posts but also any post you submit as part of the Carnival.

Copy the I Am Mom! Enough! badge code and add it to your blog sidebar:

<img src=”http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c173/Rastakitty/IAMMOM.jpg”/>
We are so looking forward to reading all the contributions for the I Am Mom! Enough! Carnival as well as seeing posts that are linked up through the linky party!
If you have any questions, you are welcome to contact us:
hybridrastamama {at} hotmail {dot} com 
OR

livingpeacefullywithchildren {at} gmail {dot} com

Mandy, Jennifer, and Jen
www.livingpeacefullywithchildren.wordpress.com,
www.hybridrastamama.com, &
www.monkeybuttjunction.com

The Sexuality of Breasts: Keeping Women in Their Place

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Breast of Vigeland sculpture

Photo by Guttorm FulatabA

This past week, my children were excited to see their friends on television. It’s not everyday that people you know make the news. And so, my children entered into the great Time Magazine debate. My nine year old son pursued the discussion. He’s nine. He hasn’t yet reached puberty. To him and his frame of reference, breasts pretty much just have one purpose: breastfeeding. It boggles his mind that anyone would have a problem with a woman breastfeeding her child.

I reminded him of a conversation from a few months ago. Our friend Dionna had been asked to turn toward the wall while nursing her baby in the waiting area of her son’s dance class. The explanation was that there were teenage boys there and it might make them uncomfortable. As we sat in our kitchen, two mothers, one nursing her baby, and a nine year old boy (our other children playing a game in the family room), we had a discussion about the sexualization of breasts in our society and the historical view of women as property.

In my children’s viewpoint, people are people. While we have differences, we are all equal – deserving of respect and basic human rights. It breaks my heart a little each time we discuss how not everyone is treated equally – how women and people with different colored skin have been property, that in our current society, if my daughters want to follow certain career choices, they are going to have to work twice as hard as their male counterpoints, that in some families, people hit their kids. That isn’t the world I would wish for my children to grow up in, but it is the world we live in.

So on that morning last week, as we were getting ready to go to the park, he asked how it first began. Why would people ever think that women should be propoerty and sex objects rather than sentient individual?. I knew we were delving deeper and that this would only be the beginning. I asked him what the one biological purpose of every organism on the planet was. He replied that on the grander side of things, each organism’s purpose was to continue on by passing on their genetics in the form of offspring.

I reminded him that as a species, we haven’t always had the knowledge we have now. There was a time when we didn’t understand how babies were made – through the combining of a man’s sperm and a woman’s egg (yes, my children know about forms of reproduction). All we knew was that women had this magical power to make more people. “So, it’s a power issue,” he said to himself. It usually is. We often fear what we don’t understand, because we feel that we lack control. Feeling out of control is a very disconcerting feeling.

The perceived sexuality of women in society, and of their breasts, is a manifestation of control and power. Women are encouraged to focus on their appearance, to be sexual to attract men, an extension of being a sex object – a mere object worthy of being owned with no power of its own other than that which is given to them by those in power to own it. “Breasts are sexual!” cry the outraged. Yes. Yes, they are. Breasts are most definitely sexual, just as most of our other body parts are. That doesn’t negate the fact that they are also functional and that their primary purpose is function.

When we villify women who make informed choices, regardless of what those are, we oppress them. We reinforce the idea that women should not be making choices. They don’t have that power. They aren’t people to be making choices. They are objects, whose self-worth is dependent upon what others think and how valuable they are considered. Why do women stand up to this abuse? Many believe it. They’ve been told this propaganda for so long that they no longer see any other way, if they ever did. Many perpetuate it, attacking other women who choose to breastfeed or make choices other than their own - those women who dare to take their control back into their own hands, holding their self-worth inside rather then dependent on some outside person’s.

So why do some of us stand up for what we believe in? Why do you see women breastfeeding their children and even allowing others to photograph them and place them on Time Magazine or in the news? For all of us, we are just trying to do what is right for our families. However, for many it also goes deeper. Not only are we doing what we believe, through research, is the best for our family, we are also advocating for those who don’t feel, for whatever reason, that they can do so or who don’t have support. We normalize breastfeeding through solidarity. We normalize equal rights through solidarity. Most importantly for me, I advocate for others because I want my children to live in a world where people are people and they have the same rights as others.

Don’t let them beat you down. Don’t let them “put you in your place.” You don’t have to agree with someone to support them. I wish all of the mothers out there a “Happy Mother’s Day!” I wish all of the women out there, an dthe little girls who will one day grow to be women, love, support, and the opportunity to be treated equally.

Time Magazine: Are You Woman Enough?

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To say I was disappointed with Time Magazine’s newest issue would be an understatement. Sure, they are in the business of making money, but it’s bad journalism at best. Blanket statements such as those claiming that there are no studies to support attachment theory are blatantly wrong. It shows that the authors spent virtually no time researching – something I actually like for journalists to do. If you aren’t going to actually research a topic, what is the point of writing something? Ah, yes. We are back to the money.

With such a biased reporting, it’s no surprise to hear that Nestle, one of the major formula companies and  biggest offender of the WHO Code of Breastfeeding, has one of the authors on their payroll. It’s also no surprise that the one expert they spoke of regarding attachment parenting was Dr. William Sears. Contrary to Time’s report, he didn’t invent attachment parenting any more than he invented breasts. He just happened to be great at marketing and coined the term, bringing with it a bunch of money for himself. And attachment parenting? It’s not all about breasts.

But I have to look at Time’s choice to run such a senstionalized, and obviously biased, issue on this particular topic at this particular time. It’s a war out there ladies, and it isn’t a war between moms. It’s a war against women’s rights. Recently, women have been losing all sorts of rights in various states across our country. It’s something we need to stop. So, I have to wonder, why would Time choose to run an issue such as this, essentially utilizing the age old  divide and conquer technique, at this particular pont in time? Sure, Time is in it for the money, but they would have made money by selling issues based on fact and without pitting women against one another in the always tiring mommy wars.

Ladies, fellow mothers, fellow daughters, and friends…..do you band together against each other based on a poor excuse of sensationalized journalism? Or do you look toward the real issue and stick together for human rights, including those of women?

Natural Newborn – GIVE AWAY (2 Winners)

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The Natural Newborn: Wonderful All-Natural Products from a WAHM!

I am lucky enough to know a wonderful, homeschooling mother of four children who also has a fantastic WAHM business, The Natural Newborn. The story of her business started as many other WAHM businesses did. She had a need, specifically one related to one of her children. Her daughter was suffering from baby eczema, and according to the doctors, based on her daughter’s age and prematurity, there wasn’t anything to be done. As any mother would do, she set out to find something that would help. Having recently switched to making all-natural homemade products for herself and noticing a wonderful change in her skin, she decided to try her products on her daughter. The eczema cleared up. It was then she realized that her baby girl was reacting to the chemicals in commercial baby products.

The Natural Newborn was born in an effort to help other families with skin issues or who want to avoid harsh chemicals. The business has grown since its inception. In addition to offering products for infants and toddler such as Diaper Defense Cream,  Soft Baby Wash, and Soft Baby Lotion, products for older children were added such as Children’s Shampoo and Hair Detangler. For the whole family, there are products like Bug Stopper Spray and Vapor Rub. We moms also tend to take care of everyone else, often forgetting about ourselves. The Natural Newvorn has us covered with all-natural spa products such Hand and Body Lotion, Intense Foot Cream (super moisturizing and refreshing), and Brown Sugar Facial (which is just a little delight for your face and also makes a fantastic lip scrub). I have to admit, having tried a lot of the products, they ROCK!

You’ll find only all-natural ingredients in The Natural Newborn’s products. If  you try them, I think you’ll agree that they are fantastic.

BUY IT!

You can buy any of the products mentioned, and more, directly from The Natural Newborn. Not only will you be supporting a small business owner, you will also receive personal customer service. All-natural, good for you products, personal service, and supporting a small business owner and fellow parent…..What’s not to love?

WIN IT!

And for a couple of you, The Natural Newborn has donated a couple of wonderful products to give away!

The first item is a bottle of Diaper Defense Spray! This is a great all-natural diaper product in a unique spray version. No cross-contamination. No mess. This is a great product to take in the diaper bag for diaper changing on the go! Or, use this on your toddler who is on the go.

Do you use cloth diapers? No problem! Diaper Defense Spray will not stain your diapers or cause repelling.

Ingredients: Witch Hazel, Jojoba Oil, Aloe Vera Oil, Lavender Essential Oil, Tea Tree Essential Oil

 

 

 

Do you no longer have a little one in diapers? We still have you covered. The Natural Newborn is also giving away a bottle of Summer Sun Lotion. This natural product contains ingredients that are known to have sun protective properties and which reflect and disburse sunlight away from the skin. This fragrance free product is a great alternative for families who would prefer to avoid the toxic chemicals in commercial sun lotions.

Please note: Due to the water content of lotions, this product is required to have a small amount of preservative. It is still 98% all-natural. This product is not labeled for sale as a sunscreen, as it has not been tested for efficacy and does not make any claims of SPF (Sun Protection Factor).

 

Are you interested in winning one, or possibly both, of these products? For a chance to win a bottle of Diaper Defense Spray or Summer Sun Lotion, do one or more of the following and leave a comment (feel free to list everything in one comment – why waste time entering everything separately?):

  1. Let me know which product you are interested in winning – Diaper Defense Spray, Summer Sun Lotion, or Both (1 entry)
  2. Visit The Natural Newborn and mention something you learned or a product that you would love to try (1 entry)
  3. Subscribe to Living Peacefully with Children (1 entry)
  4. Like Living Peacefully with Children on Facebook (1 entry)
  5. Like The Natural Newborn on Facebook (1 entry)
  6. Share this post via Facebook, Twitter, or another form of media (1 entry for each)

*Be sure to include your email address within your comment, so I can contact you if you win!* (You can do this privately when you fill out the comment so that your e-mail is not shown. This information is not given to anyone.)

This give-away will close on Wednesday, June 20, 2012. One winner will be chosen randomly from all of the entries. Sorry, open to US and Canada, only.

 

Plays Well with Others: Teaching Compliancy and Conformity

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Playing

Photo by Jenni C

As parents, we want to help our children learn about life, to help them learn how to get along with others, and to help them develop empathy for other people. Any parent with children has probably dealt with the issues of sharing and group play, either having a child who doesn’t want to share or excludes another child or having the child who is on the receiving end of one of those actions. As a parent, either situation is tough.

 

Parents of the child who is excluded or not allowed to play with something worry about the effects on their child. They worry about how they handle the situation. Are they teaching their child to stand up for herself? Is there something about their child which attracts bullies? If they don’t step in, are they encouraging their child to let others dictate to him. 

Parents with a child who excludes others or refuses to share may worry about how they are perceived by other parents. They may wonder if they are handling the situation well. Should they be doing something more? Do other parents think badly of them? Are they raising a bully? Will their child learn empathy?  

Some parents have taken a communal approach to the problem. Everyone must share with everyone else. Everyone must be allowed to play a game. On the surface, it seems like the problem is taken care. Everyone gets a turn. No one is left out. Parents on both sides of the issue can feel a sigh of relief. No one will think less of them for not handling the situation in a different way because every parents is dealing with it in the same exact way. They no longer have to worry about whether or not their child will bully or be bullied. It seems like a grand plan to many.  

What does this really teach our children, though? This sameness, forced sharing and inclusion, is setting up our children for the very things we feared in the first place – that they might be so compliant to allow others to bully them or that they may conform to the majority, targeting those children who are different. Childhood is a time of learning and exlporation. They use play to figure out how to do things and relate to others. Through play they explore feelings and reactions and process them. Children are learning how to navigate the world around them.  

Forced sharing and inclusion don’t alleviate the original problems. In fact, they often exacerbate them. Worried that someone will come and take a toy away in the name of sharing, many children will tend toward hoarding toys. They worry that they will not recive adequate time with an item they wish to play with or explore. They are learning that the most important aspects to their parents are compliancy and conformity.  

If parents don’t force sharing or inclusion, it brings them back to the same problems. Are they doing enough about the situation? What are their children learning? Should they do something else? Should they even intervene?  As parents, it’s our job to guide our children rather than force them along a particular direction. They are individuals who must find their own paths along their journeys.

So how do we, as parents, help our children deal with these situations? We talk to them. We point out that someone else would like a turn with a toy when they are finished. We point out that someone looks sad if she is wanting to play with others. Pointing out indicators and talking about how others may feel helps them to learn empathy. When a toy they want is being played with, we help them find something else or vocalize that they would like a turn when the person is finished. When they aren’t being played with, we remind them that sometimes they like to play by themselves or with only  special friend. We listen to them, acknowledge them, validate them, and help them on their individual journey.