Author Archives: Mandy

I am Mom! Enough! – Call for Blog Carnival Submissions

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Mandy from Living Peacefully With Children and Jennifer from Hybrid Rasta Rama are pleased to announce the I Am Mom! Enough! Carnival.
The recent Time Magazine article on attachment parenting took the world by storm. Although Time surely did not set out to intentionally create a greater parenting divide, the article unfortunately did just that. Parenting wars have erupted all over the world. There has been mudslinging, complete and utter disrespect, name calling, belittling, and lots and lots of condemnation for parenting practices.
Parenting wars need to end. Hate and discrimination against breastfeeding mothers of children of all ages needs to end. Judging one family’s parenting approach when you have not walked in their shoes needs to end. Enough is enough!
Please join us in a Carnival dedicated to empowering ALL parents who practice and promote a peaceful, loving, attachment parenting philosophy. Help us show the critics and the naysayers that attachment parenting is beautiful, uplifting, and unbelievably beneficial and NORMAL! Help us fight back against the backlash from the Time article. Help us support the mothers who bared all as part of the photo shoot.
The I Am Mom! Enough! Carnival is wide open insofar as topics are concerned. We simply want to hear from you!
Here are some topic suggestions:
  • What is your personal reaction to the Time article? The photo?
  • What is your response to the public reaction to the article and photo?
  • What was your family/extended family’s reaction?
  • Do you practice or support extended breastfeeding?  Share your thoughts or some factual information about the benefits of extended breastfeeding.
  • Talk about attachment parenting (AP) – all of it or one aspect of it? What does AP look like in your family?
  • Share your thoughts on parenting in today’s world. Why is there such a great divide? How can we bridge this?
  • Suggest some ways to go about respectfully supporting other parents in their journey instead of getting into parenting wars over whose method is right.
  • Give us some statistics on AP. Help others see the benefits of this style of parenting.
  • Discuss how AP is really for everyone and not just SAHM’s, a certain ethnic group, a certain income level, etc…
  • Parenting is a personal decision and one family’s approach does not invalidate another family’s approach. Share your thoughts on this idea.
  • Take on AP from a feminist viewpoint! Many women think that this inflammatory magazine issue, purposely insighting mommy wars, being published right now isn’t coincidental at a time when women are losing legal rights. Your thoughts?
  • And of course – run with the Carnival title. I Am Mom! Enough!
  • Not much of a writer or not sure what to say?  Share your photos! Show us your child(ren) breastfeeding. And go ahead…get creative! Do you own Time photo shoot!
Remember, these are just our thoughts and idea to get your creative juices flowing.
Submissions Deadline: Thursday, May 24, 2012, 11:59 p.m. Pacific time.
Fill out the webform (at the bottom of this post) and email your submission to: 

hybridrastamama {at} hotmail {dot} com
AND
livingpeacefullywithchildren {at} gmail {dot} com
Carnival date: Monday, May 28, 2012.

Before you post, we will send you an email with a little blurb in html to paste into your submission that will introduce the carnival. You will publish your post on May 28th before 9am PST and email us the link if you haven’t done so already. Once everyone’s posts are published, we will send out a finalized list of all the participants’ links to generate lots of link love for your site. We’ll include full instructions in the email we send before the posting date.

A few housekeeping items:
  1. Please write a new, previously unpublished post for the carnival.
  2. We will email you with specific instructions on posting before carnival day.
  3. Please do not post your article until the carnival date.
  4. We reserve the right to accept submissions based on relevance to the topic and quality of writing. We will NOT accept posts that go against the tenants of attachment parenting.
  5. Please refrain from using profanity, poor spelling and grammar, and vicious personal attacks.
  6. We will NOT be editing your post so please proofread and run a spelling and grammar check.
In addition to the Carnival, Jen from Monkey Butt Junction will be hosting a linky party designed to support everyone who has already written a post(s) related to the Time article. The linky will go live on Monday, May 28th at 6:00amEST and will stay open until Friday, June 1, 2012. We encouraged you to not only link up your previously published posts but also any post you submit as part of the Carnival.

Copy the I Am Mom! Enough! badge code and add it to your blog sidebar:

<img src=”http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c173/Rastakitty/IAMMOM.jpg”/>
We are so looking forward to reading all the contributions for the I Am Mom! Enough! Carnival as well as seeing posts that are linked up through the linky party!
If you have any questions, you are welcome to contact us:
hybridrastamama {at} hotmail {dot} com 
OR

livingpeacefullywithchildren {at} gmail {dot} com

Mandy, Jennifer, and Jen
www.livingpeacefullywithchildren.wordpress.com,
www.hybridrastamama.com, &
www.monkeybuttjunction.com

The Sexuality of Breasts: Keeping Women in Their Place

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Breast of Vigeland sculpture

Photo by Guttorm FulatabA

This past week, my children were excited to see their friends on television. It’s not everyday that people you know make the news. And so, my children entered into the great Time Magazine debate. My nine year old son pursued the discussion. He’s nine. He hasn’t yet reached puberty. To him and his frame of reference, breasts pretty much just have one purpose: breastfeeding. It boggles his mind that anyone would have a problem with a woman breastfeeding her child.

I reminded him of a conversation from a few months ago. Our friend Dionna had been asked to turn toward the wall while nursing her baby in the waiting area of her son’s dance class. The explanation was that there were teenage boys there and it might make them uncomfortable. As we sat in our kitchen, two mothers, one nursing her baby, and a nine year old boy (our other children playing a game in the family room), we had a discussion about the sexualization of breasts in our society and the historical view of women as property.

In my children’s viewpoint, people are people. While we have differences, we are all equal – deserving of respect and basic human rights. It breaks my heart a little each time we discuss how not everyone is treated equally – how women and people with different colored skin have been property, that in our current society, if my daughters want to follow certain career choices, they are going to have to work twice as hard as their male counterpoints, that in some families, people hit their kids. That isn’t the world I would wish for my children to grow up in, but it is the world we live in.

So on that morning last week, as we were getting ready to go to the park, he asked how it first began. Why would people ever think that women should be propoerty and sex objects rather than sentient individual?. I knew we were delving deeper and that this would only be the beginning. I asked him what the one biological purpose of every organism on the planet was. He replied that on the grander side of things, each organism’s purpose was to continue on by passing on their genetics in the form of offspring.

I reminded him that as a species, we haven’t always had the knowledge we have now. There was a time when we didn’t understand how babies were made – through the combining of a man’s sperm and a woman’s egg (yes, my children know about forms of reproduction). All we knew was that women had this magical power to make more people. “So, it’s a power issue,” he said to himself. It usually is. We often fear what we don’t understand, because we feel that we lack control. Feeling out of control is a very disconcerting feeling.

The perceived sexuality of women in society, and of their breasts, is a manifestation of control and power. Women are encouraged to focus on their appearance, to be sexual to attract men, an extension of being a sex object – a mere object worthy of being owned with no power of its own other than that which is given to them by those in power to own it. “Breasts are sexual!” cry the outraged. Yes. Yes, they are. Breasts are most definitely sexual, just as most of our other body parts are. That doesn’t negate the fact that they are also functional and that their primary purpose is function.

When we villify women who make informed choices, regardless of what those are, we oppress them. We reinforce the idea that women should not be making choices. They don’t have that power. They aren’t people to be making choices. They are objects, whose self-worth is dependent upon what others think and how valuable they are considered. Why do women stand up to this abuse? Many believe it. They’ve been told this propaganda for so long that they no longer see any other way, if they ever did. Many perpetuate it, attacking other women who choose to breastfeed or make choices other than their own - those women who dare to take their control back into their own hands, holding their self-worth inside rather then dependent on some outside person’s.

So why do some of us stand up for what we believe in? Why do you see women breastfeeding their children and even allowing others to photograph them and place them on Time Magazine or in the news? For all of us, we are just trying to do what is right for our families. However, for many it also goes deeper. Not only are we doing what we believe, through research, is the best for our family, we are also advocating for those who don’t feel, for whatever reason, that they can do so or who don’t have support. We normalize breastfeeding through solidarity. We normalize equal rights through solidarity. Most importantly for me, I advocate for others because I want my children to live in a world where people are people and they have the same rights as others.

Don’t let them beat you down. Don’t let them “put you in your place.” You don’t have to agree with someone to support them. I wish all of the mothers out there a “Happy Mother’s Day!” I wish all of the women out there, an dthe little girls who will one day grow to be women, love, support, and the opportunity to be treated equally.

Time Magazine: Are You Woman Enough?

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To say I was disappointed with Time Magazine’s newest issue would be an understatement. Sure, they are in the business of making money, but it’s bad journalism at best. Blanket statements such as those claiming that there are no studies to support attachment theory are blatantly wrong. It shows that the authors spent virtually no time researching – something I actually like for journalists to do. If you aren’t going to actually research a topic, what is the point of writing something? Ah, yes. We are back to the money.

With such a biased reporting, it’s no surprise to hear that Nestle, one of the major formula companies and  biggest offender of the WHO Code of Breastfeeding, has one of the authors on their payroll. It’s also no surprise that the one expert they spoke of regarding attachment parenting was Dr. William Sears. Contrary to Time’s report, he didn’t invent attachment parenting any more than he invented breasts. He just happened to be great at marketing and coined the term, bringing with it a bunch of money for himself. And attachment parenting? It’s not all about breasts.

But I have to look at Time’s choice to run such a senstionalized, and obviously biased, issue on this particular topic at this particular time. It’s a war out there ladies, and it isn’t a war between moms. It’s a war against women’s rights. Recently, women have been losing all sorts of rights in various states across our country. It’s something we need to stop. So, I have to wonder, why would Time choose to run an issue such as this, essentially utilizing the age old  divide and conquer technique, at this particular pont in time? Sure, Time is in it for the money, but they would have made money by selling issues based on fact and without pitting women against one another in the always tiring mommy wars.

Ladies, fellow mothers, fellow daughters, and friends…..do you band together against each other based on a poor excuse of sensationalized journalism? Or do you look toward the real issue and stick together for human rights, including those of women?

Natural Newborn – GIVE AWAY (2 Winners)

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The Natural Newborn: Wonderful All-Natural Products from a WAHM!

I am lucky enough to know a wonderful, homeschooling mother of four children who also has a fantastic WAHM business, The Natural Newborn. The story of her business started as many other WAHM businesses did. She had a need, specifically one related to one of her children. Her daughter was suffering from baby eczema, and according to the doctors, based on her daughter’s age and prematurity, there wasn’t anything to be done. As any mother would do, she set out to find something that would help. Having recently switched to making all-natural homemade products for herself and noticing a wonderful change in her skin, she decided to try her products on her daughter. The eczema cleared up. It was then she realized that her baby girl was reacting to the chemicals in commercial baby products.

The Natural Newborn was born in an effort to help other families with skin issues or who want to avoid harsh chemicals. The business has grown since its inception. In addition to offering products for infants and toddler such as Diaper Defense Cream,  Soft Baby Wash, and Soft Baby Lotion, products for older children were added such as Children’s Shampoo and Hair Detangler. For the whole family, there are products like Bug Stopper Spray and Vapor Rub. We moms also tend to take care of everyone else, often forgetting about ourselves. The Natural Newvorn has us covered with all-natural spa products such Hand and Body Lotion, Intense Foot Cream (super moisturizing and refreshing), and Brown Sugar Facial (which is just a little delight for your face and also makes a fantastic lip scrub). I have to admit, having tried a lot of the products, they ROCK!

You’ll find only all-natural ingredients in The Natural Newborn’s products. If  you try them, I think you’ll agree that they are fantastic.

BUY IT!

You can buy any of the products mentioned, and more, directly from The Natural Newborn. Not only will you be supporting a small business owner, you will also receive personal customer service. All-natural, good for you products, personal service, and supporting a small business owner and fellow parent…..What’s not to love?

WIN IT!

And for a couple of you, The Natural Newborn has donated a couple of wonderful products to give away!

The first item is a bottle of Diaper Defense Spray! This is a great all-natural diaper product in a unique spray version. No cross-contamination. No mess. This is a great product to take in the diaper bag for diaper changing on the go! Or, use this on your toddler who is on the go.

Do you use cloth diapers? No problem! Diaper Defense Spray will not stain your diapers or cause repelling.

Ingredients: Witch Hazel, Jojoba Oil, Aloe Vera Oil, Lavender Essential Oil, Tea Tree Essential Oil

 

 

 

Do you no longer have a little one in diapers? We still have you covered. The Natural Newborn is also giving away a bottle of Summer Sun Lotion. This natural product contains ingredients that are known to have sun protective properties and which reflect and disburse sunlight away from the skin. This fragrance free product is a great alternative for families who would prefer to avoid the toxic chemicals in commercial sun lotions.

Please note: Due to the water content of lotions, this product is required to have a small amount of preservative. It is still 98% all-natural. This product is not labeled for sale as a sunscreen, as it has not been tested for efficacy and does not make any claims of SPF (Sun Protection Factor).

 

Are you interested in winning one, or possibly both, of these products? For a chance to win a bottle of Diaper Defense Spray or Summer Sun Lotion, do one or more of the following and leave a comment (feel free to list everything in one comment – why waste time entering everything separately?):

  1. Let me know which product you are interested in winning – Diaper Defense Spray, Summer Sun Lotion, or Both (1 entry)
  2. Visit The Natural Newborn and mention something you learned or a product that you would love to try (1 entry)
  3. Subscribe to Living Peacefully with Children (1 entry)
  4. Like Living Peacefully with Children on Facebook (1 entry)
  5. Like The Natural Newborn on Facebook (1 entry)
  6. Share this post via Facebook, Twitter, or another form of media (1 entry for each)

*Be sure to include your email address within your comment, so I can contact you if you win!* (You can do this privately when you fill out the comment so that your e-mail is not shown. This information is not given to anyone.)

This give-away will close on Wednesday, June 20, 2012. One winner will be chosen randomly from all of the entries. Sorry, open to US and Canada, only.

 

Plays Well with Others: Teaching Compliancy and Conformity

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Playing

Photo by Jenni C

As parents, we want to help our children learn about life, to help them learn how to get along with others, and to help them develop empathy for other people. Any parent with children has probably dealt with the issues of sharing and group play, either having a child who doesn’t want to share or excludes another child or having the child who is on the receiving end of one of those actions. As a parent, either situation is tough.

 

Parents of the child who is excluded or not allowed to play with something worry about the effects on their child. They worry about how they handle the situation. Are they teaching their child to stand up for herself? Is there something about their child which attracts bullies? If they don’t step in, are they encouraging their child to let others dictate to him. 

Parents with a child who excludes others or refuses to share may worry about how they are perceived by other parents. They may wonder if they are handling the situation well. Should they be doing something more? Do other parents think badly of them? Are they raising a bully? Will their child learn empathy?  

Some parents have taken a communal approach to the problem. Everyone must share with everyone else. Everyone must be allowed to play a game. On the surface, it seems like the problem is taken care. Everyone gets a turn. No one is left out. Parents on both sides of the issue can feel a sigh of relief. No one will think less of them for not handling the situation in a different way because every parents is dealing with it in the same exact way. They no longer have to worry about whether or not their child will bully or be bullied. It seems like a grand plan to many.  

What does this really teach our children, though? This sameness, forced sharing and inclusion, is setting up our children for the very things we feared in the first place – that they might be so compliant to allow others to bully them or that they may conform to the majority, targeting those children who are different. Childhood is a time of learning and exlporation. They use play to figure out how to do things and relate to others. Through play they explore feelings and reactions and process them. Children are learning how to navigate the world around them.  

Forced sharing and inclusion don’t alleviate the original problems. In fact, they often exacerbate them. Worried that someone will come and take a toy away in the name of sharing, many children will tend toward hoarding toys. They worry that they will not recive adequate time with an item they wish to play with or explore. They are learning that the most important aspects to their parents are compliancy and conformity.  

If parents don’t force sharing or inclusion, it brings them back to the same problems. Are they doing enough about the situation? What are their children learning? Should they do something else? Should they even intervene?  As parents, it’s our job to guide our children rather than force them along a particular direction. They are individuals who must find their own paths along their journeys.

So how do we, as parents, help our children deal with these situations? We talk to them. We point out that someone else would like a turn with a toy when they are finished. We point out that someone looks sad if she is wanting to play with others. Pointing out indicators and talking about how others may feel helps them to learn empathy. When a toy they want is being played with, we help them find something else or vocalize that they would like a turn when the person is finished. When they aren’t being played with, we remind them that sometimes they like to play by themselves or with only  special friend. We listen to them, acknowledge them, validate them, and help them on their individual journey.

For My Children – Review and GIVE AWAY

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I was 12 when my mother was first diagnosed with cancer. The next seven years were spent off and on with surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation treatments. There were times when she would spend the day vomiting and others when she lost her hair. When she was gone, it was much too soon. I wasn’t a little child anymore, but I was still too young to  lose her. I miss her. I mourn the fact that my children never knew her. I try to tell them stories to help them know the kind of person she was. Still, there were so many things left unsaid because I just hadn’t reached that stage in my life where I knew to ask her about them.

There aren’t many pictures of my mother, either. She was the epitome of camera shy, a characteristic I inherited. However, I’m trying to make an effort to change that so that some day, my children can look back and have something to hold onto. I want them to have the stories and the thoughts that made me who I am, along with their own memories. To that end, my good friend Dionna Ford, of Code Name: Mama fame, has a new journal out.

About the book

For My Children: A Mother’s Journals of Memories, Wishes, and Wisdom is beautifully designed with whimsical scrapbook style art. Clear and concise prompts throughout the book will have even the most reluctant person reminiscing about her life and thoughts. Delving from light hearted topics to subjects with deeper meaning, Dionna encourages mothers of all ages to leave behind a legacy of love and memories for their children.

This is a gift for both mother or child. Give this to your mother as a beautiful journal in which to write her thoughts and later as a gift to yourself when you read her words. Or, write your own story to pass to your children. Journals are a timeless gift to be treasured by generations. Share the wisdom of your love and memories so that no one forgets.

About the author

Dionna is a lawyer turned work  at home mama of two amazing kids, Kieran and Ailia. You  can normally find Dionna over at Code  Name: Mama where  she  shares information, resources, and her  thoughts on natural parenting and  life with little ones. She is passionate about issues regarding attachment parenting, breastfeeding (particularly breastfeeding beyond infancy), RIC, and gentle discipline. Dionna also co-founded NursingFreedom.org (a site dedicated to normalizing breastfeeding), is a regular contributor on API Speaks (the blog sponsored by Attachment Parenting  International), and co-hosts the  monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting.

Looking for a Mother’s Day gift this year? For My Children: A Mother’s Journals of Memories, Wishes, and Wisdom would make a fantastic gift for all of the mothers in your life.

BUY IT! You can purchase your very own copy of For My Children at Amazon ($10.17), Ulysses Press ($14.95), or Barnes and Noble ($10.76)

WIN IT! For a chance to win your very own copy of  For My Children: A Mother’s Journals of Memories, Wishes, and Wisdom, do one or more of the following and leave a comment (feel free to list everything in one comment – why waste time entering everything separately?):

  1. Share something that you remember fondly about your mother – it could be a memory, something you learned, or something that made an impression on you. (1 entry)
  2. Subscribe to Living Peacefully with Children (1 entry)
  3. Like Living Peacefully with Children on Facebook (1 entry)
  4. Subscribe to Code Name: Mama (1 entry)
  5. Like Code Name: Mama on Facebook (1 entry)
  6. Follow Code Name: Mama on Twitter (1 entry)
  7. Like Ulysses Press on Facebook – leave your name in your comment (first and last initial is fine) (1 entry)
  8. Follow Ulysses Press on Twitter (1 entry)
  9. Share this post via Facebook, Twitter, or another form of media. (1 entry for each)

*Be sure to include your email address within your comment, so I can contact you if you win!* (You can do this privately when you fill out the comment so that your e-mail is not shown. This information is not given to anyone.)

This give-away will close on Monday, May 14, 2012. One winner will be chosen randomly from all of the entries. Sorry, open to US and Canada, only.

Through Adversity We Grow

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Welcome to the Fabulous Hybrid Blog Carnival. Our topic this spring is Change! This post was written for inclusion in the quarterly Blog Carnival hosted by The Fabulous Mama Chronicles and Hybrid Rasta Mama. This month our participants reflect on change in all of its many forms. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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Butterfly

Photo by Lindsay Sorenson

Change doesn’t just happen. At least, change doesn’t just happen without a reason. There is always a reason for everything (how many times have I said that in my life?). There must be a catatylist that triggers a change, whether positive or negative.

Sometimes that catalyst will be something out of our control; we must adapt in relationship to something else that has changed in order to survive, live peacefully, etc. Other times we act as our own catalyst, pushing ourselves to new limits, searching for different viewpoints or information which will challenge our own thoughts and experiences, resulting in change and growth in our journey.

Whatever the catalyst, whether negative or positive in origin, we own the resulting change. We can fight change, refusing to acknowledge or accept it as an opportunity, or we can embrace change, viewing it as growth potential. We don’t grow, in our careers, in our relationships, in our personhoods, or as parents while floating along stagnant. We grow when we push ourselves to new limits, examine our beliefs for fallacy, and challenge ourselves to make changes which we feel better support our decisions. Adversity leads to growth.

I constantly evaluate my thoughts and beliefs and search out information. Those times when I find myself at odds with an idea, with situations, or with the people I love? That’s when I remind myself that it is times like those that facilitate the greatest growth in myself as a person. I can fight against the change, or I can embrace the opportunity and direct myself to a positive outcome.

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Visit Hybrid Rasta Mama and the Fabulous Mama Chronicles to find out how you can participate in the next Fabulous Hybrid Carnival!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants. It will be updated by 3:00pm PST on Monday. April 30th:

Discipline isn’t Something You Do: Discipline is Something You Have

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Welcome to the Spank Out Day 2012 Carnival

This post was written for inclusion in the Second Annual Spank Out Day Carnival hosted by Zoie at TouchstoneZ. Spank Out Day was created by The Center for Effective Discipline to give attention to the need to end corporal punishment of children and to promote non-violent ways of teaching children appropriate behavior. All parents, guardians, and caregivers are encouraged to refrain from hitting children on April 30th each year, and to seek alternative methods of discipline through programs available in community agencies, churches and schools. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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scream and shout

Photo by Mindaugus Danys

Whenever the topic of parenting comes up, the subject of discipline isn’t too far behind. While how we parent varies greatly as a society, most parents will agree that they hold a desire for their children to have self-control, self-regulation and self-discipline. Self-discipline is a very good thing to have. It allows us to set goals and achieve them, to stay true to ourselves and our beliefs, and to hold ourselves accountable for our own actions. Self-discipline allows us to be responsible individuals, to think of others, and to grow as an individual.

It is not something we are born with, this self-discipline. It develops over time. As much as we would like it to be instantaneous, it’s something we have to strive for and which increases as we grow, learn, and discover. While it may be nurtured, guided and encouraged, it isn’t something that can be forced onto another human being.

If we want our children to be disciplined, we must first focus on ourselves. We cannot help our children to learn self-discipline if we, ourselves, do not have it. When parents lose their own control by erupting into parental temper tantrums – through screaming, blaming, or even hitting - how can they possibly expect their children to show self-control?

Discipline is a life-long journey of self-discipline, discovery, and learning. Discipline is not something you do. Discipline is something you have.

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Spank Out Day 2012 Carnival hosted by TouchstoneZ

On Carnival day, please follow along on Twitter using the handy #SpankOutCar hashtag. You can also subscribe to the Spank Out Day Carnival Twitter List and Spank Out Day Carnival Participant Feed.
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

Taking Responsibility for Our Food

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Welcome to April edition of the Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival, hosted by Authentic Parenting and Mudpiemama. This month’s topic is “Celebrating Our Earth – Green Living”. Please scroll down to the end of this post to find a list of links to the entries of the other participants. Enjoy!

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Eggs

Photo by Gisela Francisco

For a long time, we have done our little parts to help the Earth. We reduce our consumption by not buying a lot of stuff. We reuse whatever we can or pass items to others who can use the items. We recycle as much of what is leftover that is possible. Right now those things tend to be rather trendy. More people are becoming aware of mass consumerisum (at least I hope). Everywhere you go, someone wants to hand you a reusable grocery bag (sorry, we have plenty of reusable bags).  Recycling bins are popping up in more and more businesses (a good thing). However, there is still a lack of connection for most people between doing these things and the Earth.

It became clear to us a couple of years ago that we needed to change that for our family. We were ordering a side of beef, mainly free ranged, antibiotic and growth hormone free, from a local farmer to stock our deep freezer. It felt like a very grown up thing to do at the time, buying a cow. We were discussing some things at lunch one day when something my then 7 1/2 year old son said gave me pause. He didn’t equate eating animals with killing those animals. I have to admit it shocked me a bit. I grew up on a farm. We raised and grew our own food. I have always been upfront with our children about where our food comes from. Yet, somehow, my son didn’t feel a connection from his actions of eating the food to that of an animal giving its life. Something needed to change.

Since that time, we have increased our efforts to make that connection to the Earth. We continue to look for ways to live our lives in a more sustainable manner. As we prepare to move, some ideas are on hold and we look for our food from local sources. However, we are making plans for our new place – ones which include chickens for our own eggs, a worm compost bin, a large garden, and if we have space, some other animals so that not only do we know exactly where our food is coming from, but so that we can take reponsibility for the food we eat.

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Visit The Positive Parenting Connection and Authentic Parenting to find out how you can participate in the next Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

I’m Just a Mom; Give Me a Break

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As an unschooling mom, it’s my job to facilitate my children’s learning. So, in order to meet the needs of my children and their interests, I tend to set up a lot of field trips, activities, co-ops, etc. in order for them to do the things they want. I’m a planner. It works out.

Years ago, another mother and I would plan and organize a lot of activities for a group we were in. There is always someone who wants to grumble and complain, and these activities were no exception. Most of the activities were on our side of the metro area because that’s we were were. There were a lot of activities for homeschoolers, again because that’s what we do. There were so many complaints, that we stopped posting about the activities to the group. The complaints then turned to the fact that there weren’t many activities posted any more. But, again, there is always someone who grumbles, and if they really wanted to do something about their complaints, they could have stepped up and taken some initiative themselves.

However, this week, the grumble from another parent hit a new low. I had planned a Hunger Games activity for next month, and we needed a few more kids participating in order to make it happen. So, I posted about it on a couple of metro wide homeschooling lists to see if anyone else would be interested in joining us. I posted the pertinent information: location, time, a description of the activity, my contact info., what age group it was geared toward (written very inclusively so that families could make their own decision regarding if it was appropriate for their family), and as an FYI at the end of my e-mail, I mentioned that the park where the event would take place did not have a bathroom and that the nearest bathroom was down the road at a nearby QuikTrip. I wanted to let parents know in case that was an issue for them. I’m all about informed choices.

The next day I opened my e-mail to see a message from another parent regarding the Hunger Games activity. I clicked on the message, excited that another family was interested in joining our group. Instead, I was shocked at the message. The father had e-mailed me to explain how a park without a restroom was a horrible location for an activity and that his daughters, at which point he named their names, would not be attending. He then went on to inform me that their family had no interest in the Hunger Games.

Now, we are an equal opportunity family of unschoolers. We don’t hold ourselves to one group. We interact with many groups of homeschoolers and unschoolers so that we can participate in activities and events which may be of interest to us. In doing so, we see many, many activities which aren’t a good fit for our family or which don’t interest us. It would never occur to me to write the coordinators of those events and explain what I thought was limiting or that we had no interest in their topics. It doesn’t have anything to do with us and owuld serve no purpose.

So, I was at a loss at what the point of this man’s e-mail was. I wrote him back to say just that. I first stated that because I don’t know him or his family (seriously, I have no clue who they are or that they even existed prior to his e-mail), I could not accurately read tone.  Not knowing his family, I would have no reason to assume that they would attend an event I was hosting. I also went on to explain why we chose this event - my children enjoy the Hunger Games books. I explained why we chose this particular park – it is a park our family enjoys and it had the space we needed for the activity. I stated that I only mentioned the fact that it has no bathroom in case that would be a deciding factor for a family, so that they could make an informed choice. As a 1-2 hour activity at a park with no bathroom is not an issue for many families with children in the age range, and many families who also have younger children, such as our own, often carry a potty in their vehicle in case of emergencies, we had decided that this location still best fit our needs.

Then, a day later, he wrote again. Apparently he found my comment about the lack of restroom needs for many families in that time period to be “very insulting.” Insulting would have been me telling this man he needed to loosen up his butt plug (and yes, I shock myself and my delicate sensibilities with that comment). From his next comments, I assume he had a miscommunication with his wife who had forwarded the e-mail to him to see about taking their daughters, and he, in his anger (an anger which caused drastic spelling errors in both e-mails), made the assumption that she had signed their daughters up for this unthinkably restroom free event concerning a topic that didn’t even interest them. He continued on to say he was glad that his daughters wouldn’t be attending such a horrible event led by such a horrible person, and that he would not be writing again (much to my gratitude). I still wonder at his apparent anger that led him to write such things in the first place.

The thing is that I, and many other parents like myself who plan activities and field trips for their children, don’t do it for other people. Certainly, we are happy that others who desire can participate and enjoy the events. However the reason we set up these events is for our children! I set up field trips in order to receive group discounts so that we can afford to take our children to these places. I set up activities that they want to do. I ask people to talk about topics that my children want to learn more about. The common theme in all of these things is that I do it for my kids.

So, if you see an activity that you aren’t interested in attending, it’s no big deal. I (or the parent in charge) don’t even need to hear that you don’t want to participate. It’s none of my business. It doesn’t have anything to do with me. If you do want to participate, great. Just don’t expect me to bend over backwards to accomodate you, because I’m not doing it for your sole benefit. If you sign up for a field trip that has to be paid for in advance and then don’t bother to show up, I’m not going to refund your money; I still had to pay for you. If you don’t send payment in on time, I’m dropping you from the field trip because I can’t afford to pay for you (notice the above statement about group discounts). At the end of the day, I’m not getting paid for doing any of this. I’m not doing it for you. I’m just another mom, doing what is right for my kids. So, give me a break.