A woman struggled with finding balance for her family, not easily fitting her desires with her reality. Posting to a group of other mothers looking for support about how to make the reality of her situation work for her, she was given many insightful responses. Inevitably though, the finger pointing began from someone.
It wasn’t finger pointing at the woman who origiially framed the question and asked for support. Instead, it was finger pointing at others whom this other person deemed to be uppity or fake. How could/dare they post about their wonderful life when she, herself, couldn’t manage everything in her world perfectly? Because her life wasn’t like that, obviously these other woman had to be lieing in their blogs, their books, their sharing…
No one is perfect and no one person can do everything, let alone everything perfectly. However, I’ve never once seen someone who claimed to be able to do just that. Personally, I’m on my own path, striving toward my beliefs and my own personal growth. I suppose someone could tear me down for writing this blog and sharing our parenting beliefs and practices, for sharing with others about my beliefs, for my goal of a peaceful life. The truth is, someone has. I’ve had my share of attacks because I live my life, or rather work hard in my attempts, the way I believe I should. I always wonder why someone who supposedly does not share my ideals would bother themself with my parenting when it has no impact on their supposed values or beliefs or cause any harm to others.
It seems to be a trait of our society to attempt to build ourselves up by tearing others down. We see it in the the so called mommy wars. The truth is, we can’t build one thing up by tearing down another. Physics will tell you that the first object won’t be any higher just because another object is lower. Destruction doesn’t result in construction.
That simple statement is important for parents to remember, as children learn this behavior from those who model it. Tearing our children down doesn’t help them to be better people. It isn’t constructive. Working together and finding amiable solutions which work for everyone allow our children to grow as people and to be the best that they can. Disparaging remarks about others does not equate encouragement.